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Inner wealth by Louise Smart at Emotional Detox top listed by Harper's Bazaar

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Posted: 28 October 2017
Inner wealth by Louise Smart at Emotional Detox top listed by Harper's Bazaar
We need inner and outer wealth by Louise Smart at Emotional Detox - top listed in Harper's Bazaar

How Feeling Loved Up On The Inside Could Save Your relationships

If you can’t actually feel the powerful warm glow of love inside you, then you’ll always silently crave it or demand it from someone else and feel hurt, rejected or resentful when you can’t have what you want.

Too many people are disconnected from their own wealth of loving energy inside them. I listen to clients daily who share the same aching sense of emptiness, loneliness, insecurity or anxiety without knowing wny. They confess leaning heavily on partners or anaesthetizing themselves with alcohol to try to relieve their emotional pain which is actually caused by their disconnection from their own love. Says emotional energy expert Louise Smart, who has recently launched her online INNER WEALTH Self-Love Audio Series

Expecting our partner or anyone else to compensate, to make us feel ‘loved up’ all the time when we scarcely even love or value ourselves, destroys relationships and jeopardizes friendships.

It's our unresolved insecurity and neediness that drives partners away or to look elsewhere. Why can’t we love ourselves?

Learning to love yourself isn’t a new idea. But knowing how is alien to most of us because we have been raised on a diet of conditional love. If we do the ‘right' thing we get loving approval; if we do the ‘wrong’ thing, it’s withheld. So in our adult relationships, we end up spending ridiculous amounts of time trying to please partners, friends or colleagues. When they refuse to respond to our need for approval - tensions escalate.

A client of mine would feel abandoned and literally panic if her partner did not reciprocate her slew of amorous texts every day. Her furious retaliations aggravated by her excessive drinking wore him down and he threatened to leave her. So we worked on soothing her fear and helplessness around abandonment. I showed her how to connect with the nurturing warmth of self love so that she felt secure enough to stop drinking and compulsively guilting her partner with needy texts.

Breaking our painful cycle of neediness is difficult because it’s ingrained in us at a physical, neurological, emotional and energetic level. In the same way our body contracts against pain – think of how the muscles in your back seize up to protect an injury - so we freeze up against the hurt of being judged or feeling unworthy which we have stored up over time. We literally ‘freeze’ ourselves out of connecting to our own loving warmth too. It's an emotional wasteland and It's no surprise people seek comfort in alcohol !

Loving ourselves is not just about self-care, healthy diets, trips to the gym, finding new ways to put ourselves first, or positive affirmations which feel fake anyway. It’s about really feeling and knowing we are 100% unconditionally lovable, without having to prove it to anyone ever.

I give people the tools to start to truly honour and value themselves for who they are - warts and all - and guided practices to ‘melt’ away the body’s defence mechanisms which have built up over time through parental neglect, vulnerabilities, hurt and trauma.

Once these defenses have been melted, you can naturally connect into the reassuring warmth and safety of the love inside, with zero fear of judgement or criticism. Partners sensing your new found self-worth, naturally respond with affection, without any force from you. It can even give us the power to walk away from a toxic relationship, friendship or job that's making us miserable or to finally ask for the salary we deserve.

A high flying client had not suspected her mother's constant criticism of her chubbiness growing up had caused her to hate herself and feel unattractive.Her partner felt pushed away when he tried to reassure her. When he gave up trying, it compounded her historic pain from rejection and disapproval from her mother. She subsequently lost focus in her high powered banking job and felt threatened when her boss amped up the pressure. I introduced her to new ways to perceive and approve of herself to override her self rejection. Her newfound security and body confidence meant she could finally accept her partner found her attractive and she was able to focus fully at work.

One distraught client, after three failed marriages was finally able to face the complex knot of suffering from being sexually abused in childhood. Her recovery involved learning how to diffuse her tendency to volatile, alcohol fuelled, anger - a defensive behaviour linked to the abuse not being believed by her parents and feeling unworthy of their protection and love. I showed her how to connect and compassionately relate to the traumatised child inside her with her own nurturing love. Becoming emotionally safe means she doesn't drink for comfort and doesn't lash out in defensive anger at people which bodes well for her romantic life and health.

Another client wanting freedom from a long term toxic relationship, yet feeling paralysed by deep fear and grief at the loss of her family unit, worked with me to get the strength and clarity to leave and start out anew. Energy clearing and emotional detox therapy helped unravel her compulsion to trying to make the relationship work so that she could then face the way she habitually abandoned herself and abused her health. With her energy free to focus on supporting herself, she courageously exited her family home. She now knows her own self love is what will give her the sense of wholeness to attract a healthy happy partner instead of someone she has to battle to fix.

I’ve spent a long time working out how to pass this priceless gift of self-love on to others in my private work with clients and now with my INNER WEALTH - Self-Love Audio Series. Self-love really is inner wealth and once you know it and feel it, no one can take it away from you.
Written by: Emotional Detox
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