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A Tale of Two Women

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Posted: 24 October 2015
A client needed help making a decision. He had to choose between two women. One he had known for a long time and their relationship had been tumultuous with many make-ups and break-ups. The other gave him everything he wanted but didn't make him "work" for it. He didn't feel challenged, and that left him feeling bored and less appreciative than he felt he should be.

Should he choose Girl #1: and endure the drama? Or Girl #2, even though he found himself still emotionally attached to Girl #1?

First we explored the pros and cons of each relationship. What were the challenges? What were the benefits? What felt right for him? If he were with Girl #2 would it be fair to either of them if he still felt unresolved attachment to his first love, Girl #1?

Then we moved deeper into asking why did he feel drawn into relationships with people who appeared to need "saving," healing and/or were codependent?

He shared that he had once felt called to be a child psychologist. He even pursued two years toward the degree before he realized his true calling was music. He may have switched majors, but his soul still has a gift for counseling and it appeared that his girlfriends, in some aspects, were more like his patients!

We consulted an inspirational card deck called Life Purpose by my teacher, Dr. Doreen Virtue, an intuitive clinical psychologist. We randomly pulled cards and he received "Children" and "Counseling." More cards revealed "Music" and "Trust your career decisions." Intuitively, he was on the right path with his career. But his natural gift of counseling had a need to be expressed and was showing up in his love life. Childhood experiences were also affecting who he found himself attracted to - those who were working on similar emotional patterns in need of healing, shared life lessons.

He gained more clarity into the emotions that he was experiencing to help him discern what feels best for him right now. He was encouraged to practice stress relieving exercises to clear his mind. He was also encouraged to consider spending a good amount of time alone to challenge the discomfort attached to loneliness. Could he nurture himself the way he wanted to be nurtured? Could he be his own best friend? Sometimes distancing yourself from a situation can bring more clarity. He was assured that there are no wrong decisions, and to trust himself.

If we don't find a healthy outlet for our natural drive to help people, we may find our personal lives littered with chaos as we become volunteer counselors to everyone around us. Professionally volunteering for an organization or doing some kind of part-time work helping people can meet that need to help in a simple, structured and less draining way. Emphasizing boundaries can help immensely with understanding yourself and your personal relationships. I recommend reading up on boundaries to learn how they apply to you and how you can start creating them. It will decrease stress!
Written by: Lauralyn Kearney
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